home random ask me Theme (c)

Jasmine. 18. Slytherin.

I blog about Disney, video games, anime, and cute animals.
 
Instagram: neoqueenjasmine


Enter discount code "shmow-zows" when shopping Cute Harajuku to receive a 10% discount on your entire purchase!





I’m a mess after writing that post, jesus christ.

I’ll just go watch Kill la Kill, and Cry la Cry for the rest of the night 

I get so emotional over Sailor Moon and I’m upset that I forgot about it for so long. 

I was OBSESSED as a kid - had her red boots, Moonstick, rod, all of the movies, and everything.

I would watch my Sailor Moon VHS every single day after pre-school, and constantly ask my mom to take me to Mitsuwa, a Japanese drugstore next to what used to be Sav-On, our pharmacy at the time, to see if they had gotten any new Sailor Moon merch. i’d recreate every episode with the Sailor Moon dolls I had.

One day, I sat in front of the t.v., singing along to the theme song (in very broken English, mind you. I had only recently moved from Paraguay to the U.S., and was still learning the language), when all of a sudden, the tape froze as she assumed her pose in the final frame of the opening. It started fuzzing up, skipping, and emitting this awful static. After about a minute, the screen went black. I tried removing the VHS, blowing into it, putting it back in, and repeating the process until my older brother came. I asked him what was wrong - I was on the verge of tears - and he told me that Sailor Moon had been cancelled, the Kids WB wouldn’t be broadcasting any more episodes.

I remember getting so, so upset because my days would all follow the same pattern: wake up, eat breakfast, walk to school, play, get home, eat lunch, watch Pokémon, watch Sailor Moon, and play on computer/with my Pokémon figurines/GameBoy Color. It was distressing, knowing that my days could never follow the same cycle every day anymore (I never even realized that the VHS was in no way related to the Kids WB network), so I cried. It was so upsetting, I couldn’t ever watch Sailor Moon again. It was over.

Because of my brother, I stopped watching Sailor Moon, and because of my brother, I felt the need to hide my love for Pokémon, video games, and anime. He made fun of me, said it was kids’ stuff, and that I had to grow out of this “boyish behavior” before I hit kindergarten. 

All of this resurfaced because I chose to listen to the music box version of “Moonlight Densetsu.”

Something about Sailor Moon makes me so, so sad. It’s like I’m dreaming whenever I watch the anime, or read the manga, and having to put either down is like waking up from this beautiful, colorful dream. 

To be totally honest, my brother telling me what I should, and shouldn’t love is what made me so uncomfortable with who I was. Ever since then, I tried to conform, and ceased standing up for myself. I remember drawing inspiration from Sailor Jupiter - her strength, her confidence, the fact that she wasn’t like the other Sailor Scouts: tiny, dainty, and stereotypically girly. I related to her desire to be more like them, but most of all, I related to the fact that she wasn’t perfect

It sounds like a lot coming from a four year-old but I remember feeling like a total outsider SO, so clearly because of the language barrier, inability to understand American customs, and, of course, the fact that I towered over everyone else at my school. No one really spoke to me, or tried to be my friend because they were scared of me: I was too tall, too strong, too much like a boy. 

God, I feel so much resentment toward my older brother now. I really do feel like all of those negative emotions could have been suppressed, or at least pushed back a couple of years had I still been able to watch Sailor Moon and have Mako show me that being different, or not conforming to stereotypes is okay. 

Sorry if this sounds so stupid, but hearing the music box version of “Moonlight Densetsu,” brought all of these emotions back, along with certain epiphanies, and I needed to write it all down.

Read More

Crippling sadness. That’s the only way I want to describe what I’m feeling right now.

Crippling sadness.

I want to kill myself.

I’m in that place again, that awfully dark place, and I know it’s because I’ve been off my medication, but I need my last two pills for tomorrow.

I need to breathe. I need to breathe, cry a little, and breathe some more. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. 

I need to keep it together for two more days. I’lll only be in this hellhole for two more days. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

Everything hurts, I’m in so much pain, and there’s nothing I can do about it right now. I just need to breathe.

i need to see a chiropractor… and a masseuse.

IN OTHER NEWS

I pre-ordered Alpha Sapphire yesterday, bought a pre-owned copy of Nintendogs + Cats, AND Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy \(^_^)/

I’ve been playing both nonstop, why didn’t I get into the series sooner omg

Just getting everything straight for my own sake.

  • Women should not be objectified
  • Porn is harmful to women
  • Female-only spaces would be safer for everyone
  • Sex and gender are two totally different things
  • Females are heavily oppressed.
  • I do not agree with transwomen/transmen claiming women/men who do not want to sleep with or engage in any sexual activity with them are transphobic
  • It isn’t fair for men to be seen as brave or progressive for donning a stereotypically female exterior while most women are ridiculed for being women
  • Sexual dysphoria is a thing.
  • Transwomen/transmen NEED to be protected, and transphobia is INCREDIBLY awful
  • If it perpetuates a  gender role, it sucks
  • You are either biologically male or female. There is no in between.
  • You can IDENTIFY as whatever you’d like, just know that you were born either male or female.

I WANT EVERYONE TO BE SAFE AND HAPPY AND THE PATRIARCHY NEEDS TO DIE THAT IS ALL.

i just need to breathe and maybe get some sleep…

lots of studying to do tomorrow

sigh

Read More

i just — i cant take religion seriously.

i see absolutely no logic behind it. people are actually following a book that was written thousands of years ago and probably changed in meaning a million times and just lskjgklejlktj

and the fact that people deny SCIENTIFIC FACT by quoting a fucking book?????

i just, i dont get it.

Read More

sometimes i question my ability to remain in the biology major and think about giving up but then i realize id be so miserable majoring in anything else.

Ive just been crying and playing pokemon in the tub for the past hour and im still not done crying ugh

I’m just going to take a bubble bath, cry into my GBA, pray that my togepi evolves soon, and try to forget the fact that I won’t see Evan for another seven weeks.